Who is the real Charlene? I seem to have so many faces I can wear, so many sides to me. I have one side that my twin sister knows. We share almost every childhood memory and every sentence of our past is “we” instead of just the “I” We have inside jokes and can talk every single day about absolutely nothing at all. I hate talking on the phone but have no problem talking with her. She is the one human besides my husband and kids who see what would probably be considered the Real me. 

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Speaking of my husband and kids, they see me dance like I am a professional and sing like I am in a band. They see me yell like I have angry issues and love as if my heart could explode. They see my lazy side and my motivated side and my “Why the heck is that person driving like a 90 year old?” side.  

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Friends always see the nice and encouraging version of me. It’s not because I am hiding any other side, it is simply because of the amount of time we spend with each other. Passing each other in the halls with the generic questions and answers of ” How are you?” And “I am fine” don’t ever get past the surface of emotions. Even pausing for a moment or sitting down for a cup of coffee one time can only scratch the surface of who a person really is. You usually only get the cliffs notes on what they choose to say. 
How do we get past the cliffs notes and actually enjoy the whole book of who a person is? We sit down and talk regularly. We live life together. We spend time in each other’s presence. Invite someone over for dinner and sit around the table for 1, 2, or 3 hours. If you have kids you let them play together while you sit down and eat lunch together, or chase the kids around….together. 
See the reason why my twin, husband, and kids see all the sides to who I am is because of time. Time is the key. We live in a world that revolves around our own personal life. There is work, kids sports, homework, school projects, piano practice, etc. We are always running to the next thing that it makes it near impossible to develop friendships because time does not exist. 
I made bread the other day that I had to let rise for 18 hours and took a total of 21 hours to be fully ready to eat. 😳 I have never prepared food that took that long from the beginning to end to make but it was worth it!! To know that I made that and my family got to enjoy it was amazing. I knew exactly what was in the bread and enjoyed every single bite because it was special. I knew the time it took to cultivate it and I didn’t want to waste a single piece of it. Instead of having the -fast, expires quickly, not sure what is in it- bread-type friendship we could have ones that are full of nutrients for our mind, heart, and soul if we just took the time. 
You say “How the heck can I cultivate friendships when I have a million kids, laundry up to my chin, poopy diapers, and dinner to cook….oh and I have a full time job?” 
My first suggestion would be to pause for a moment. Have one moment when the kids are napping, or a lunch break without meetings, or 30 mins before bed where you pause. Think about what is most important to you and what you want to grow in. Friendships almost never make it on this list because we are still in survival mode and thinking what can I do better to get my house organized and my kids from being crazy. So let me ask this question for you? What friendships do you want to cultivate? Do you have any existing friendships that need tending to? Do you need new friends to even start a cultivating process? If the answer is yes to any of those than let’s start with that. Pick a day of month or even a week if you have the time and let it be
 ✨Cultivating Friendship day✨ 
Does that sound cheesy? 😉 Good, I want it to be memorable and achievable.(edited to say this is where it went on a rabbit trail and goes to parenting tip😜) For example, if you are a stay at home mom and have no friends and so overwhelmed with leaving the house with small kids try picking one day a month to go to the park. Let the goal be 30 mins and if it goes longer than count it as victory. If your kids screams like their arm has been detached from their body because they are not ready to go and you have to, just relax, all parents get it.

 You are not the first parent to have your child reject with every single molecule of their body the thing you are suggesting. Squat down to your child’s level and look them in the eye and whisper in a low and stern voice that “We are leaving now, we had fun at the park but we are heading home now” End of conversation. Make sure that before this though you gave them a warning that time is almost up. I have a couple of kids that needed that warning so they could warp up whatever imagination game they were playing. You can even talk to them before the park and let them know you will give them the 5 mins warning and when they have a good attitude about leaving they get…..a picnic lunch on the porch, to play with a special toy, or a special story read before nap time….etc. You reward doesn’t need to be food or electronics. 
Ok….that was a rabbit trail…Let me wrap this up. Friendships will only happens if we want them to happen and things like going to the park will help you meet other parents too. I believe that deep friendship are the key to staying emotionally healthy. The pausing for a moment and checking what is important to your life will help you see what areas to grow in. Do not try to do it all at once, you will get overwhelmed and want to slap anyone who gives you the side eye. Pick one goal, one friend, and one day and just hangout. Spend time with people and get to see the real side of them and let them see the real side of you. It will be healing and good for your soul. If you have a relationship with Jesus ask him to be in the middle of this. Ask him to help you pause and work on cultivating friendships that last. If you don’t have a relationship with Jesus, try asking the questions for the truth to be shown to you. Be open to truth and growth. 
Let’s recap this hot mess of a post : 
*I am charlene and I am a goober who can dance and sing with the best of them but only inside my head. 
*Pause for just a moment and pray about how you can slow down enough to cultivate friendships that last. 
*There are some practical tips on leaving the park when your child may be having a meltdown.